Peters Story
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Have Your Privacy And Be
A Celebrity At The Same Time
Daydreaming about the day he would be the most successful actor the world would ever know, Peter hardly noticed the crowds of people passing him as he walked through the busy streets of the town he called home. By the same token none of them paid particular attention to him, he was just another guy in a crowd.
Peters daydream was vivid. Money would never again be an issue in his life. Traveling first class would be the norm. Staying in low quality hotels a thing of the past.
Instinctively Peter knew his name would be remembered and revered. His home in Hollywood would be fully staffed, as would his townhouses in Paris and New York. His hideaway in the Caribbean would be his sanctuary. Life would be full and happy. He would know lots of people. An entourage would follow him around and everyone would adore him because of his fine acting. He would have his own personal minder. His celebrity status would have people smiling at him as he frequented the very best restaurants in town and attended the premiers of the worlds greatest events.
Although he was only dreaming Peter could almost feel the tingling sensation of success. His confidence in his own ability as an actor made him certain, like many stars of past and future, that his dream would someday be reality. His driving force was not only to have success for the sake of it but also for the freedom it would give, that would allow him to do things for others. He looked forward to sharing his talent and skills with the world. Bringing his work to the people would give him a buzz. It would allow the real him to shine by helping charities that were close to his heart in a practical way. He wanted it all and knew that one day he would have it.
Twenty years have past and Peters dream has indeed turned to reality. He has ‘made it’ as a worldwide celebrity. He has houses all over the world and first class is the only way he travels. He is recognized almost everywhere he goes. Now he can’t walk down a busy high street without a minder for fear of being stopped every few steps by his adoring fans. His entourage seem always to be around him, everywhere he goes there are people. Everything he imagined he could possibly want in the world he has. Or has he?
One day Peter realized that something was troubling him. At first he couldn’t put his finger on it, after all he is living his dream, something most people never get to do. He suddenly realized that his unhappiness was caused by the fact that by living his dream he had lost part of himself. Lack of company is not the problem, he has lots of people round him. His manager and agent are always on hand to advise him and make sure his career path goes as smoothly as possible. But as Peter knows very well, if ever his popularity was to waver then they would disappear from his life. This is not a bad reflection on them as people, but that is the nature of their relationship with their client. He was lucky enough to have a few very close friends, but realized very soon after the friendships developed that he wasn’t able to talk with them about how he really feels because they wouldn’t fully appreciate his feelings. You see two of his close friends are in the same business as him, both successful actors.
Peter feels that to reveal the ‘real me’ would show a weakness and make him vulnerable in the cutthroat business of being a celebrity. He knows all too well that friends sometimes have a habit of loosing touch when the famous are out of fashion, yes even close friends. He has seen it happen to others. His other close friend is not in the business. For different reasons Peter feels unable to talk from the heart to him. How could he possibly understand the isolation that Peter often feels? After all Peter always has people around him. He would be sympathetic to what was being said and listen as any close friend would, but he would not, could not, fully appreciate the full depth of how he feels, because he has never experienced fame. Even in success, in situations when he has had a great win in his life, his dear friend is happy for him, but does he understand, is there a tinge of jealousy?
A sensation of isolation often sweeps over Peter as he asks himself the question ‘Is this what life is all about?’
Little did he realize that day when he was dreaming in the crowded high street that the price of living his dream was to loose a part of himself.
What Peter was feeling was insecurity. Since becoming ‘successful’ Peter has been surrounded by people telling him how wonderful he is. Everyone suddenly wanted to be around him. Invites to high society parties were in abundance. But Peter was not so naive as to think that the whole world, all at once, had discovered he was a great guy.
Questions started coming into his head. Why do they want to be with me? Do they like me because of who I am, or because of for what I am? Having a proper intimate relationship with someone was also difficult for Peter for the same reason. Choosing a life partner can be hard enough for those not in the limelight, but for Peter and people like him the problem was multiplied many times. He was suspicious of anyone wanting to get close to him.
Peter is the first to admit that his life has its wonderful side, but there is also a side that terrifies many people in the same situation. It can take the fun out of living the dream. At one stage in Peters life he actually started to daydream about a time when he would be able to walk along a busy street without being recognized. What would it be like to stand in a checkout queue anonymously? To be able to go out for a drink with his friends without having a news reporter tell the world how many beers he had consumed? The problem is no amount of daydreaming could ever make it happen. He is well known personality and nothing can change that. In actual fact he didn’t want to change it. He loved being famous and still has to pinch himself occasionally to make sure it is real. But still he struggled to find the real him. He would love to have someone without an agenda, who is interested in him as a person and understands ‘who’ he really is without caring about ‘what’ he is.
I do not believe in coincidence. I trust that everything happens for a reason. You bump into old friends not by chance but because it was time to meet up with them, even if the reasons are not immediately apparent. You are reading this at a time in your life that is right to read it.
Peter and I first encountered each other in a restaurant. Both on our own for the evening had deciding to dine in a place much-loved by each of us. The problem on this particular night was that this popular place was very busy and neither of us had booked a table.
Peter had managed to get a table close to the door when I arrived. Overhearing the problem the head waiter was having of trying to seat me Peter did something he had never done before, he offered a complete stranger, me, the spare seat at his table. He looks back on that simple gesture as a turning point in his life. After accepting his offer and thanking him, I introduced myself by shaking his hand and telling him my name. He smiled, returned the handshake but omitted to introduce himself to me. I recognized who he was of course, but decided to ask him his name anyway. A little taken aback he told me but the words that came out did not match what he meant. The audible words told me his name but the unspoken words said, don’t you recognize me? Peter was not used to having to tell anyone who he was or what he did.
I used to be a personal manager in the entertainment business, and have spent a lot of time with high profile people. I realize that famous people, when they are not in ‘celebrity’ mode want to have as normal a life as possible. I explained to Peter that I am now a coach. I saw his questioning eye look over my body and could hear his inner voice questioning the fact that the extra pounds I was carrying was not the physique of a man who coached athletes. I explained I was not that kind of coach but the kind who helps individuals close the gap between where they are in their life now and where they want to be. I told him that some of the first people I coached had specific goals or challenges in their lives, like relationships or promotion at work, but some had more vague desires that they just couldn’t put their finger on but knew they wanted to be at a different place in their life.
Nowadays, I explained to him, most of my clients are celebrities or people who are in the spotlight for one reason or another like politicians, writers, actors, models and CEOs. It seemed a strange mix I agreed, but if you think about it, all these groups of people have very similar pressures. All can experience feelings of isolation as the people round about them have their focus directed on them. Being a former CEO myself and having the experience of being the personal manager in the entertainment industry, I very early on in my coaching life realized that being at the top could be a very lonely place. These different groups have ‘yes people’ around them all the time. All know who they can trust and confide in. All feel isolated in certain situations. Peter listened intently and I sensed he could relate to every word I said.
During our meal together and with Peters permission I asked him a few searching questions. He answered from the heart and with a clarity that he had been unable to do with anyone else. By vocalizing his fears, and exploring the dreams he was yet to accomplish, and knowing that I was listening to the ‘who he is’ and not the ‘what he is’, by not judging what he was telling me, it allowed him to find a freedom he had not felt for a long time. He realized that being famous was not the problem, instead, how he was dealing with it was the issue. Peter expressed that evening a desire to learn to live in the present and concentrate on the ‘who’ instead of the ‘what’ all the time. By doing this he can become more attractive to the types of genuine people who he wants around him. The quest was to find a balance between Peter the celebrity and Peter the normal guy and to have the confidence to know that he had the ability to attract people to the latter.
At the end of the meal Peter wondered what to do next. Yes many things had become clearer to him that evening, but could he maintain this positive attitude that our chat had allowed him to feel?
Yes he can, and he is ……. I am now Peters coach.
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